"Ride the Lightening!"

One of my many hats at the department is that I’m a defensive tactics instructor, which includes being a Taser instructor. For those of you that don’t know what a taser is, it’s a new and improved version of the stun gun. The taser has 50,000 volts of shock value and 26 watts of thumping power. Those numbers don’t mean a whole lot to me but I do know that the taser packs a punch! As an instructor I had the opportunity to volunteer, okay I was forced, to feel the effects of the taser at the instructor school. Then I took an advanced instructor course and had to “volunteer” to go through it again. They kindly refer to it as “ride the lightening.” Oh on a side note, did I mention I stopped going to the instructor courses?!
Anyway, the master instructor goes through several students one at a time as we all watch, some in horror. It is actually really funny to watch and see the guy “ride the lightening.” I mean I laughed loud and hard. It’s hilarious! That is until it was my turn! Don’t get me wrong. I wanted to do it and was excited to get in there, but I think it would’ve been better to go first instead of watching others suffer at length. I step up and notice my hands starting to sweat so I put on my warrior face and get ready for my own personal right of passage.
So the instructor turns it on and I instantly feel the effects of an electric fence times ten pounding through my body. My muscles lock up and I try to cowboy up but I start to go into my version of Tourettes Syndrome. And for a guy who doesn’t swear I think the electricity unlocked some dormant memories of my “BC” days (Before Christ). And as soon as the taser shuts off, everything stops. No more pain, no more Tourettes, nothing! I am now part of the club. I jump up and I do a quick check to make sure all my limbs and parts are there, and that I didn’t pee on myself, and all is good. Whew! And I’m glad I did it though because knowing the effects came in handy not too long afterward.
A few months later I’m on patrol driving down the road and see a car pass by me very fast, but I was able to get the license plate. I run it and comes back expired so I flip a u-turn and go after it. The driver then speeds up and turns down the first street but by the time I turn he is gone! So I make the first right (they always take rights) and at the end of the street I see him turning around. I activate my lights and he pulls right over, much to my surprise. He immediately gets out, which is a danger clue in my book. He is apologizing for taking off and appears very nervous, which makes me nervous. I tell him to get back in the car and he does a quick look around. That is another clue. I unsnap my taser and grab my radio because I know it’s coming. Yep, a foot pursuit! The guy takes off running like a gazelle. I radio that I’m in foot pursuit so the troops can come help. After about 3 seconds I yell at myself for not running more because I am already breathing hard. I mean the gear we carry is heavy! Depending on the officer, it can range from 25-35 pounds. It’s amazing we ever catch anyone.
This guy is about 20 y/o, 6’00 and thin, and he can run! But I never, ever give up! So we go running down the street and I pass by several people standing out front of their home. I really don’t expect them to help but maybe just throw something at the guy to slow him down a little. And he was out of taser range and if I do use it and miss the darts will bounce back and I could run into them. Now that would suck! So I keep chasing him and he is pulling away from me, fast! But at the end of the street I see a garbage man emptying garbage into his truck and his looking right at us coming his way. I vision a large trash can flying through the air and taking the guy out at his knees, but noooooo! He lets the guy run right by. Why I thought at that moment there was a direct relation between garbage pick-up and police work I don’t know. (Oh, note to self… tonight is garbage night) Anyway, I pass by Mr. Garbage man dude and I just look at him and he looks back at me like “what?!” Yep, just like the drivers that don’t get out of our way during pursuits (see previous blog entries).
All of a sudden he starts to slow down and I get my second wind. I’m actually catching up which just motivates me even more. I see two fences directly ahead of us and thankfully he chose the short fence. He slows down to jump the fence and when he gets to the other side he looks back at me. I jump over the fence and hit the guy with the taser. He falls back onto the tall chain link fence and holds on. Since he doesn’t follow commands to get on the ground I move in and my leg gets caught up in the taser wires. Yep, now both of us are riding the lightening. He grabs onto the fence and so do I but since it’s a metal fence, and the wires are touching it, we both continue to get zapped. It was like one big merry go round of electricity. So I’m now doing the happy dance (similar to the potty dance) trying to get the wires off my leg. Meanwhile I’m trying to fight off the effects of the taser and keep an eye on him at the same time. Trust me it wasn’t easy. The funny thing is we both made eye contact as we both were getting zapped. There was this unsaid mutual understanding of pain and discomfort we were both sharing together at that moment, but at least I had been through it before.
So as the pain and electricity are running through my body, I strive with all my might to move my thumb over only a ½ inch to the safety toggle of the taser to shut it off. Heck, it might as well been a mile! It was like slow motion watching my thumb travel at the speed of a snail but somehow I managed to fight through it and get it to the safety. And just as I started to turn it off, the auto 5 second timer quit and it shut off by itself. So as he tries to figure out what just happened, I jump away from the wires and zap him again as he tries to get up and run away. All in all, it was pretty funny and I was so glad I caught the guy. There is nothing worse than a foot chase when you lose! Except a foot chase on a full stomach, which is another story for another time! =)
And why did he run? He was DUI, and had a warrant for DUI, and had his license suspended for DUI, and had open beer in the car. Man he got a lot of tickets, and a trip to jail. Who knows, maybe I saved him from getting into an accident and hurting someone, or worse?!