I'm back!

Okay everyone, after nearly a 3 year break the Bloggin Popo is back posting! I hope you enjoy............

The other day I stayed up all night and into the wee morning hours playing xbox's Halo 3 fighting 14 year olds from all across the planet when I realize I should actually get some sleep. I'm telling you it's like crack.
So I manage to calm my war torn mind and fall asleep when in what feels like a blink of an eye I hear some pounding on the front door. My first thought was some computer nerd I made fun on and smacked down on xbox must have googled my gamertag name and tracked me down somehow. But somehow I managed to decipher the pounding as a familiar sound....... my mother-in-law!
I stagger to the door half asleep in my underwear and t-shirt and manage to get the door open before another series of furious knocks, and as I am rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, which are now blinded by the morning sun that would've destroyed any living vampire, I am greeted by "were you asleep?" Now had I not just came out of a coma I might have had something witty to say other than "huh"?
She then blurts out you have a flat tire! I'm thinking "what"? I'm thinking it's felony early in the morning and this flat tire is the reason for the emergency pounding on the door that would've made any police officer proud to be able to do. So I manage to say "is it just low or flat, flat"? She replies, huh?
It then hits me as I slowly start to wake up. A sense of uh oh floods over me as I remember that I am in my underwear, it's early in the morning and I panic for about an 1/8 of a second to make sure that no physiological changes happened as I slept and was now standing at the door..... in front of mom!
Well thankfully I was safe so I stagger out to the carport to see a totally flat tire. Suck! Well no biggie, I'll just change it when I leave for work in a few hours. I thank mom for the heads up and was actually glad she told me and that she saw the problem during her early morning walk she does every day. And remember I said no biggie? Please let me explain.... I have zero mechanical ability and every time I try to do something if it can go wrong it will go wrong. This isn't some self doubt down talk people. It's a known fact! So why I thought it would be no biggie is beyond me!
Okay, I go back to bed and then get up a few hours later, take a shower and get ready for work. I put on my uniform and all my equipment and go to change the tire. I remove the stupid, tiny little jack that every car has knowing that this will not be fun. By now the sun has really come up and is starting to warm up. I manage to loosen 4 of the 5 lug nuts but I notice that the 5th one barely budges. Oh well, I'll take care of it after I jack up the car was my thought. So I put the jack under the car not really looking where I placed the jack and get the small piece of junk cranked up but not really seeing the car rise. I'm breaking a sweat as the car barely moves. I then realize that I put the stupid tiny hand crank jack under the suspension so only that moved and not the car. I'm such an idiot sometimes!
I get the stupid tiny little jack cranked back down and get it where it needs to be. I crank it up as I feel sweat dripping off my face as a very nice older man comes up to me and says that he has been watching me and wants to know if I want to borrow his nice industrial floor jack. You know, the kind that would've raised up the car in three or four easy pumps, unlike the 60 or so frustrating turns it took me, twice! And then I remember he said he was watching me, which he had to have seen me struggling, so I think to myself why didn't he come over sooner?
I politely decline because I have a terrible issue with pride, and go to remove the last lug nut but it won't come off. With all my might I manage to slowly get this thing turning. I mean it seriously took a herculean effort to get this stupid thing off, but somehow I did it. I throw the spare on and put back on the lug nuts. But, the same stupid lug nut now won't go on! I struggle to get it barely on hoping that my tire won't fall off somehow as I'm driving down the street on my way to work. I then lower the stupid little jack as the car slowly drops only to find that the spare tire is also flat. I'm not joking. I'm standing there, sweating, looking at the flat tire. Well it did have a little bit of air so screw it. I drove it a block to the nearest gas station so I could put air in it.
I go inside and buy some gum because I was out, plus a bottle of water to replenish the fluids I just lost as some old guy watched me look like a struggling idiot. I ask the clerk if she can turn on the air machine for me so I don't have to pay the 75 cents. Well she says yes so I go all the way out across the parking lot to the air machine which is not on. I wait a minute or so and nothing. I go all the way back to into the store where she asks me if it came on. I'm thinking why yes it did, that's why I'm standing here looking at you like you are now messing with me on purpose. Well she politely says that she will turn it on so I go all the way back out there where I find the machine is still not on.
I see her looking at me so I wave at her and she waves back. I'm like what!? So I wave harder and so does she. I'm like no way! She has no idea how hot and sweaty I am and the morning I'm having. I decide to just pay the 3 quarters so I reach into my pocket of change from the day before to find that I only have 2 quarters. Ugh! I realize that I have to go back into the store and actually think about driving over but decide to make the long walk instead. So I go inside and she is trying to push some button on a box to make it work. I simply and kindly tell her that I will just pay for the machine and hand her some money for more quarters. I make it back out to the car and as I place the money in the machine I'm thinking if this doesn't work or it eats my money I am going to go on a shooting spree! Thankfully it worked and I get the air in the tire and off I go to work. I stop by the shops to have the mechanics look at it and they tell me no biggie and that they'll have it fixed in no time. Oh great, not the no biggie comment again?
The mechanic gets 4 of the 5 lug nuts off and gets to the stupid 5th one that is barely on. He has the high speed thingy that gets them off real quick but it doesn't work. He tries and tries and tries with no luck. I'm now watching this guy struggle and I'm having flashbacks of an hour earlier. He is determined but can't get it off. He then goes in the back of the shop only to come out pushing two big tanks. Yep, he's going to blowtorch the sucker off! I'm thinking that's what I'm talking about. Make this little stupid lug nut suffer! Well he fires it up and cuts right through in no time flat only to finish with an uh oh. I'm like uh oh what?
He proceeds to tell me that he cut too far and cut into the post the lug nut screws on to and now the axle needs to be replaced. So he gets the big floor jack out and you guessed it, 3 or 4 pumps later the car is off the ground and the tire comes right off. I'm like WTF!?! And just so you know, the bullet proof vests we have are great but they are like vaults and once you get hot and sweaty in them the heat just stays there.... all day long!
Well finally, about three hours later I get the phone call that my car is done and that it is ready for pick up. I go down and pick up my car and have a seat as I check my Facebook only to see that my friend Justin from Reno leaves a comment about my tire. He says "no biggie, it'll only take 10 minutes to change it!" =)